i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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