don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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