I am spending my child support on dildos
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i drank out of a bidet.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
