Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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