He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
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at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
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I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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