Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
