I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just high enough for therapy.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
