Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
