also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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