So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
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Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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