thus making me awesome and them whores
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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