I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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