why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
