I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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