I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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