didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
