Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
