She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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