So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No subtext here. People are naked.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
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Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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