My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
