We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
