she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
