I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
