What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
