I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
