so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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