At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
