he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
