There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
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I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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