pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
