i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
