Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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