i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
