You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
