Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
