If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
