Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
