he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
