can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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