I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
