Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
