you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
