It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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