Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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