You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
