I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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