did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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