end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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