I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
