everyone is single if you try hard enough
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
All the doctor said was why
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
