My cat gives me a boner
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
