Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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