He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
