threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
