***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
