Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
