You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Randomize
