matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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