I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
