Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the day after is always just damage control
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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