Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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