it wasn't lemon gatorade
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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