he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
