Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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