I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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