Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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