I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
