Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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