i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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