I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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