very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
