Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
