so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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