I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
