idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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