I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
