He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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